Guitars and Ribbons

quarter life crisis

2011-12-03T05:23:00.002+13:00

11:23, Friday, December 02, 2011

Hello, today is my first day of work, Im working at the mall, ground floor for an expo, just selling clothes in a stall for 12 hours for 13 dollars. so ridic. because i dont need the money, and i am thinking, I took up the job offer teo introduced because it is good to earn money, and also because i wont be home all the time. and when i was working then, i was sitting there with my feet sore... I dont need the money, I had such a tiring year in NZ, I am finally HOME, and I am enjoying my space, and i am now...working = sitting in the shop for 12 hours x 5 for 65 dollars i can easily get elsewhere, truthfully.

Say independence, say work ethics, say everything good about having a job, but im home, i am finally home after all the crying, secretly missing my family taking care of me, and not doing the laundry, not cooking, not everything that was negative and lonely. I guess the job taught me that at least... and maybe someone will gladly step in and take the job, I would be happy to give it up now. because after I finish the job, lets say i did not give up the 5 days of work, ( because some people would say, oh come on, its just 5 friggin days ), i would only have a week left in brunei before i go off to Londy, time is flying so fast, thinking of going back to physio makes me... feel all those things i dont want to feel again... speaking of physio...yeah...

Well, results came out for my first year of physio, and i got 4 B- and a C+ which i think is shitty and the process of the whole year is pretty traumatic. the dissapointing thing is i dont get to relieve myself by telling myself its all over because a change in course will take place and my life will be alot easier with better and more enlightening friends and a more determined face to succeed in life and never feeling like a timid mouse no more. no, Dr.Brunton was saying how its hard for me to change courses especially since i am a year into my physio and i did not flunk, should i have flunked on purpose before instead of trying my best, BBBBC is not my best, but seriously, its not the grades, is the "actual real life knowing how to be a good physiotherapist" is what I AM NOT AND I JUST DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH ANYMORE.

But on the other hand, im thinking, is it because physio is giving me another chance, and maybe everything will work out in the end, and everything will be okay? =( i dont wana be a hospital physiotherapist...

I dont wana be anything, I just wana be free and happy... this physiotherapy talk, my heart... it makes me want to cry...

I never want to believe it and i never ever want it to be true, but why does it really look like Life is hard...

starting a business is hard, going back to school is hard, facing my fears is hard, wanting to have everything in my dreams is hard, making brave decisions are hard...

do i have to accept that?

Life is also precious, Fe, this lady that works at the stall too, has a salary of 300something dollars a month working like that, 12 hours a day, from 10am to 10pm. 200 dollars gets sent back to Manila for a 4 children, means 100 per month for herself. its about a thrid of her salary. that is very little, and now i see why she says having to pay 30 dollars to repair her fone is expensive and difficult because if you take 13 dollars and give off two-thrids to your children/dissapear , everyday you only get to spend about 2-3 dollars, food? clothes? how? its unfair that people have to live like this, so limited, and unfair. sitting in a shop for this kind of money, how bout health? proper food? exercise?

I kind of see how we all have it good, we dont hesitate buying clothes we like, food to satisfy our tastebuds, and clothes, electronic devices, and other unneccessary material items to satisfy our ego, greed and human senses while they dont get to do these things...

its abit sad...

i imagine myself having 2 dollars to spend on myself everyday, thats not enough to fill my tummy.. how do they do it... i cant imagine, how? if i have 2 dollars to spend for myself everyday, and my husband is a construction worker, and he comes back tired with muscle aches, and it made me feel like life is hard, the state of mind i was in was...

" as long as we have eachother, we have to work hard for our kids, and everything else doesnt matter... health, wealth, time? where did it all go? to the 12 hour job... to survive, to let our children survive too.. "

saturday, 3 october, 12.01 am

i cried while brushing my teeth at the same time, thats a new one, thinking of school makes me that unhappy, that i was peeing and brushing my teeth and crying at the same time while imagining telling mami that thinking about school makes me unhappy...

i feel like im having a midlife crisis... i suddenly cried to my 16 year oldself saying, " you promised that after that happened, nothing bad is ever going to happen and everything in life is going to be easy from then on, you promised".

i need help... i need help from god, from someone professional, i need help... help...

chillibum

2011-11-09T22:30:00.001+13:00

Heart and Fear, Head and stability

2011-11-03T13:56:00.001+13:00

its so weird going in to an exam and you didnt study much, well i think i did, but i didnt expect to remember much but i still kept on writing. My mouth kept saying i should quit, but my body stayed put and did not leave CAL ( computer assisted learning lab - 24 hour study place ). The exam went well somehow i just wrote and wrote and felt so neutral about it, i dont know, I felt kinda dissapointed to think that i didnt flunk and i wouldnt for this one. I was already day dreaming about being an air stewardess.

I like pharmacology, i like anatomy, i like to study. but i dont like exams, i dont like having to know things or having to sit down and study. i suck at clinical practice, i dont have any angmo friends, but i like new zealand.

new zealand feels nice. but i dont feel really really yay.

so i cannot make a decision. in the end i just go with the flow and stay in the safe zone even when i cry and whine and have great ideas because im in a "comfortable zone".

I want to explore without consequence, I want to explore but im also afraid. My mind drifts off in to so many different directions.

I just realized i have never made any big decisions before, everything i just accept as it comes to me, There is no direction I want to go, no dream i specifically want to chase.

So the question is, Should i stay or should i go? Should i remain this way and wait this feeling out or just say TO HELL WITH IT! i will ruin mu life until i am satisfied with what i have done with it with my own pleasure!

To be content and dead inside?

or to be happy and possibly regretful?

my friends here, they dont get it, why do i bother having this conversation with them.

I have to remember that i dont really have mainstream thinking....amd its not wrong or weird.

at battle here. Heart based or Head based?

My heart has alot of suggestions:
get an anandamarga yoga teaching course
get qualified to direct laughter yoga and be informed about it
yoga laughter and well being centre
start a vegetarian shop, or a jaqy sandwich shop
maybe work in a canteen and pasar malam and build up from there
work on easecox to see if i can do it and actually earn money and be creative about it
be a stewardess and travel around the world for a couple of years making good friends and just embracing freedom with " coffee or tea madam?' *smile* yeah getting hit on good looking rich guys is nice too..lol?
start a marshmellow chocolate booth in the mall on the third floor

...

2011-11-02T20:51:00.000+13:00

I cannot live like this, live in stress for a whole year, up and down and anxiety? It really makes me want to go pop some prozac in my mouth or something.

You know how bad it is? Its like everytime I think about something that makes me anxious, I get this tremor all over my upper limbs, shortness of breath and confusion and panic attack. Its not even funny because it happen so many times this year because of this stupid course. it makes me think its not worth it, because this is not me. or maybe its the stupid name lim hsiu chie that makes me takut of everything.

seriously, i just want to go home and never ever study again. i dont want to live like this, especially thinking that its 2 more years...i cannot live like this, i will definitely just DIE of anxiety or drug overdose.

It feels so often that im scared, and i want to stop this. i dont want to study in university anymore...
I hate this feeling, i feel so helpless and stupid ... i dont like feeling anxious...

Inspired to listen to buddhist chantings after reading Masaru Emoto.

2011-10-26T00:43:00.000+13:00

listening to the chants, Namu Amida Butsu, Namu Myoho Renge Kyo made me feel so calm and peaceful.

it makes me think what is the point of wanting to have so many material things in life, when all that comes from that is the wanting of more.

I guess listening to this made me feel balanced, made me go into a state where everything right now is enough for me, and it's not about wanting more and more things in your life all the time, sometimes, it's worth to take a pause, and feel gratidude and humble, recognize that life is precious and sacred and beautiful, filled with love and passion for others besides yourself, and focus yourself onto the people you love and care about and the people that need help.

Namo Amitabha chant

2011-10-26T00:42:00.003+13:00

Truthfully my soul tells me...

2011-10-20T23:42:00.000+13:00

Truthfully, I don’t want to be a housewife, or somebody dependent on another. I want to be myself, and I should not lose myself to anyone.

I want to be somebody amazing, that can overcome challenges with great eagerness and anticipation, and celebrate when the puzzles of life has been cracked

Not the person who hides in bed, waiting for a hero to come sweep me off my feet. That’s not me.

I am, my own hero, I am amazing. I love life, I love myself, I love doing the things I do and I’m proud to be my own unique person with a blast of sunshine and daisies.

I am not the person that craves for attention, not the person that ‘needs’ companionship. For feeling the craving of companionship and having a companion to ease that craving is not true companionship, you cannot feel true companionship when you stand in a place of lack and deprivation. That lack comes from within, and no matter how many friends and people you surround yourself with, it will never be enough. Never.

Sometimes I just need to remind myself that even though I dream of being treated like a princess, and sometimes I fall in to this whole illusion that I am a princess, having a prince to do the hunt and bring home the meat and fight off thieves and evil-doers, I don’t need to do anything but sing and dance in my castle. Deep inside my heart, I am a warrior, a warrior of life, I scour the field and hunt, and love the smell of trees and leaves and blood of your killings, I embrace my true nature, my wildness.

I have been temporarily tamed. I have temporarily forgotten.

Girls dream of being treated like princesses. And I say, yes, I am lucky to be the princess of a prince. But I need to know myself and not use that excuse when I get fearful of obstacles and challenges. Saying it’s just easier to win a million dollars, or running away, or things like that... That’s the fear talking, and it’s not real. It’s not true creation.

I want to succeed with my own power. And to do that, I have to explore and bring out my true power. And If I want to be a millionaire, I will not rely on fluke chances. That just makes me seem small and petty, I will do it with the guidance of my soul, through inspiration and creation! Even if I win from the lottery, it will not be due to luck or chance, it will be due to my understanding and mastery of life.

Vintage Cars Logo

2011-10-19T15:01:00.003+13:00

Ask For More.

2011-10-18T14:22:00.000+13:00

To be somebody you want to be, you have to be brave, courageous, that does not mean that you must not feel fear, because fear is just another expression of bravery and courage. Facing your fears = bravery and courage.

I looked at some pictures today, of what I want my life to be like, I should save it all and print it all out. And remember, how I want to live and how I want to be.

Not only that, but now, I want to go out there, and surround myself with all the people that I want to be, and surround myself with people that brings up my vibration and inspire me to want and desire more from life.

Rampage

2011-10-14T15:14:00.000+13:00

Its been 20 years, about 10 of those years, I spent in my mind, in silence, day dreaming. the next 6 or 7 years in rebellion, desperation, angst and the next 4-5 years being lost and found, soul searching wave.

Theres only so many years to live.

In a blink its 20 years, I couldnt say that it flew just right past me, but how many years have I got left? about 80 years? or maybe more, maybe less.

the thing is, what am i going to do? am i going to work my whole life, and be just another pawn of life or am i going to step up and be something else other than the norm.

Its time to think about financial freedom. About where I want to go. Then again, that was what it's always been, I dont know, im just rambling right now i guess.

Inspired to be a millionaire, with crazy projects, Its just that, deep inside me, i know i have this great big BOOM of power! and Im ready to just explode. I want that side of me to just come out to the surface and shine.

There's so many things I want, yet i haven't figured out what i REALLY REALLY want! that great big push, that big direction I want to go. I want to finish doing my physio study, because now im starting to love it! exams are coming and i have not started much but it's all starting to make sense now! how the body works!

and then theres the part of me that wants to be a millionaire.

Freedom from responsibilities, Freedom to make any choices I wish to make, Freedom and Liberations from the limits and restrictions of life. Freedom of expression. Freedom to go here and there as I wish. Financial freedom.

This is it, the prime of my life, this may be the best decade of my life and Im so inspired right now, I know i have many great ideas, I know deep inside me I am great and awesome and I am different. I know that I can bring many things to the table, the thing i need now is the initiative and the courage, kill the doubts!

I dont know how my life would fan out, but I dont want to live in restriction anymore, or live by anyone's rules, university life i feel orders me to wake up in the morning, demand that I deliver, no. 20 years, about 90% of those years, its been the same. I cannot be a slave to the rules and the demands of the system any longer.

Money Works For Me.
I Dont Work For Money.
I want to travel the world. live all over the place for a couple of years. Have tons of organizations everywhere. Not have to deal with complications because I soar, A place where everything takes care of itself.

I imagine myself as a vegan, living the life. Healthier and fitter than the best athlete in the world. Martial artist. Maybe even a great inspiring singer. I need to know what I want in life RIGHT NOW! I want to have time to play badminton, lie in the sun, dance around trees, live in Amsterdam for a couple of years and be happy. Inspire people. Be like sunshine. Be free from rules, not only school, but life, money, rules to be successful, rules to be more spiritual, rules to be a better whatever the shit it is!

I DONT CARE! I MAKE MY OWN RULES!

I say whats good for me and whats not good for me!
I'm going to be a millionaire my way, I am going to be a person with awesome opinions that people cannot deny, everyone will love me, everyone will look up to me, I will have great loving friends for life, We all succeed together, we all enjoy life together, I will be the sunshine that spreads love as grand and great and as fast as light travels from the sun to every surface of the earth, on to everyone's skin and soul and land and sea and everything. I want to be able to jog and run so fast and so long, that I feel like a centaur on the hunt for spirit and prey, unstoppable, and aim for the bullseye with precision and power. I want to unleash my wild nature and soar and be everything I can be in this world.

I need to change my state of mind, no more repetitions, no more doing of things as a response from my external environment, no more relieving my self of stress or trying to be better because of some undesired consequence. no.

I say no.

I be what I want to be. I be me. I be happy. I be constantly inspired and persistent with my burning desires and follow my instincts. and be a wild fire!

I will not be polite, I will not be pleasing if i do not wish to. I will not succumb to anybody else's beliefs, I will not put my feet off the table because its disrespectful. Fuck you!

I will be myself. If you want your life to suck ass, and live with your limiting beliefs, its none of my problem no more.

No more!

I will do things that pleasure ONLY ME. I will not compensate or sacrifice my happiness for others, because they dont give a shit about anyone other then theirselves. So why should I care!

I will be wild. I will speak my mind. I will not be a victim to life or consequences because I am a creator, attractor, manifestor. i am the 1%

I cannot blend in to the norm, because I am different, because I have something that not many people have. A mind of my own, a mind that chooses to create and expand, not a mind that follows the rules. I belong up there, with the millionaires, with great minds like robbins, hay, proctor, hicks! and I deserve only great like minded friends that do the best they can for themselves, break the rules and live life to the fullest.

I only deserve friends that are for my highest good and friends that live life for joy, love, happiness, and endless opportunities. thats what I deserve.

Everything is perfect when your heart is pure and clean

2011-10-12T19:36:00.000+13:00

Once you start looking at people's flaws, you get better at finding out the lesser things in them. And, eventually, you find yourself getting annoyed with most of the people around you. Somehow you just suddenly have some issue with the people around you because you have been paying so much attention to gossip, and whats the hot shizzle on the hot plate right now.

Then you snap* and think, why have you been so grumpy lately.

It's because of your thoughts.

Me and AMSTY and YOU!

2011-10-03T16:38:00.006+13:00

Lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of france

Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance

Lets get rich and build our house on a mountain, making everybody look like ants

From way up there, you and I, bebeh, you and I.... bebeh....

I was in amsterdam for awhile! IT WAS DANG FUN!

right, and this is my pile of money
xD

Books I bought this year...

2011-09-14T13:05:00.000+12:00

I didnt know there was so many O_O.

One thing I noticed, I have an expensive hobby and to think back on all the books I have already bought, I might have already spent a thousand or close to that (including the books i brought back home).

But its fun, i dont read much of it, half of it here and there, but I LOVE GETTING new books. XD and each and everyone is special. Now im thinking of getting this other story book... hmm...

Iz Awezome. One day I will own a library filled with books, where I can just take out any book im attracted to, read the title several time, skim through its insides and declare that its a good good day, a good good day.

2011-09-11T03:21:00.002+12:00

read books

write books

sing songs

make songs

write songs

run

play sports

weight lift

be awesome

neh.

Not happening

2011-09-11T03:12:00.000+12:00

I Choose Happiness by David Choi w/Lyrics A.K.A. Wong Fu Productions Won...

2011-09-06T23:39:00.000+12:00

Don't Control.

2011-09-06T23:37:00.000+12:00

Horses Stomp On Fish.

I Can Eat You If I Wanted To!

I think...

when a drop of black ink goes in to a glass of clear water, everything becomes grey.

= prejudice.

Dont wait until the next lifetime...

2011-09-03T04:45:00.001+12:00

If you want to love, love with all your heart.

If you want to succeed, then never think of giving up.

If you want to soar to the sky, grow a pair of angel wings.

because life is so precious, so sacred, and just like a light,

it flies past you so quickly, you would never realize it until your time is up.

love supriitii.

Adulthood.

2011-09-03T04:24:00.001+12:00

Sometimes the internet can be so shitty.

hanyways, i heard somebody i knew got engaged. then it finally dawned on me.

We are all in our twenties now. The time when I was a kid and my sister has to attend shit weddings, or when people got married, and i was there when i was a kid. And now those people who might soon get married, are going to be my second degree friends, or my friend friends.

After 21, im going to be 22. After 22, 25. By then, I'll be an adult. The years go by fast doesnt it, children growing up, transitioning in to adulthood. Thats not as grim as thinking, the old gets older. Soon, one must return to the soil and air, and you might have to attend such an event and witness the transitioning of such.

Pretty soon, everyone would get married, would have children, would have jobs, and eventually see their own children married off. And the cycle goes on like this forever.

Where do i see myself in the future? Would I end up like that? would i become a HEB? (higher evolved being) will i ever get to see the world and be like nicola? sold her house, flying everywhere to see the spiritual side of the world? would i ever be vegetarian? would i achieve something great for my nation or be a little person with an easy life.

Time flies doesnt it. Time flies.

Soon the person you love would be your spouse. Suddenly theres another person sleeping next to you. you would be returning to a home of a different address. your parents would be old, and possibly dependent on you. what would it all mean in the end?

now i understand, how carefree children are. why do we lose that, why do we teach them to lose that precious connection to god and their true spirit...

eventually we too, will die... so what does it mean? all the useless things we cared about, how we presented ourselves, how people thought of us, how everything, in the end it doesnt matter. Whats the stress of life for? stressing about everything or anything when in the end it doesnt matter, life then, should be fun, not a bowl of stress.

at 21 i feel my body aching, soon it might degenerate if nothing is done...
my arteries are hardening, my back is getting worse, my ankle clicks, my heart murmurs, my knee hurts when i walk, my skin speaks for itself. if i continue eating the way i eat, my body would rot away, my life would be like everybody else. I would be just like everybody else, ignorant, victimized by the mind, the society, a blind chess piece without a goal.

i wonder if i was without the wanting of a specific experience i hold in my mind, would i just wish to return to the universe now? soon? and after thinking that, i remember, life, i cant leave yet, theres still things i would like to experience, though the hardships or the illusion of hardships, theres still somethings that my sprit wishes to experience before leaving and joining with the great mother again.

Conversations on the table by jaqy! watch itt!

2011-09-01T18:54:00.000+12:00

Tee-hee, Guess what I made XD

2011-09-01T18:49:00.000+12:00

XD

2011-08-31T18:46:00.002+12:00

The sweetest person on earth just sent me 3 boxes of palvoron, a new pink pencil that i had once had and lost and could never buy here, and 3 dvds of happy time!

arn't i lucky or what?

2011-08-30T23:44:00.000+12:00

Being consistent

2011-08-26T00:24:00.000+12:00

A successful life is a life of consistency and repetition.

Think a thought consistently and repetitively,

no matter what, until it becomes true.

Meditate consistently, twice everyday, and clarity will come to you.

Success = consistency to set yourself up for it, for success.

2011-08-26T00:20:00.000+12:00

you are not a human being living a spiritual experience

you are a spiritual being living a human experience

Juice is good

2011-08-18T18:17:00.000+12:00

Vision Board

2011-08-13T19:13:00.000+12:00

Weird toilet experience

2011-08-13T13:00:00.000+12:00

Vlog one?

2011-08-11T14:01:00.000+12:00

2011-07-28T23:28:00.001+12:00

Everyday I find a new reason for being a vegan.

2011-07-24T22:54:00.001+12:00

tempted to just give away all the food I have right now and keep to my greens. I dont know much yet, but everyday I will learn one new thing about being a vegan, and my processed food stock would gradually decrease until its all gone, and when i use it all up, ill be buying just the greens.

If I really want to, I know the recipes will fall on to my hands, the taste would be put in to my mouth and the world would show me how.

I dont know how all these boom of information came to me, well duh of course I know, LOA right, but holy oh my goodness shizzle dee doo! It started out with several months of "oh what would it be like just being vegetarian" to "owh yeah im having a vegetarian lunch today but its okay ill still eat chicken later." to "I feel gross eating chicken, and i crave for prawn sometimes, but looking at it makes me go ew." to " whatever! riffin is here! MEAT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" to " man I am so fat right now" to "ANTHONY ROBBINS IS SO COOL I SHOULD AFFIRM THAT I AM A VEGAN INSTEAD OF SAYING IM TRYING TO BE VEGETARIAN" to looking at stuff in the shops and labelling them acid/alkaline and affirming to myself that I am a vegan eventhough Im still eating some other non-vegan vegetarian stuff over the week and then BOOM! I feel like im vegan, BOOM! Chris Crocker showed up on my YouTube recommendations and ill never look at meat the same way ever. BOOM! Vegan information explosion. I am meant to be vegan.

BOOOM. Im afraid to give away my 1 packet of chicken in the fridge, my IDEAL sphag sauce, my processed soups and porridges. BUT! it is okay, I am still a vegan in my mind.

Instead of having hope to be a vegetarian someday in my 30's or 40's. I am willing to be a complete full on vegan by 22. no more meat.

Milk?

2011-07-24T18:53:00.001+12:00

2011-07-23T19:23:00.002+12:00

WATCH THIS!

Acid Alkaline and mmmm.mnmmm.....

2011-07-23T11:52:00.002+12:00

My mind is more clearer today, PMS drama much, ridiculous what crazy things can be brought up because you're like emotionally whack. I'm thinking maybe my body is cleaning itself with a blast of ARGH to get fuzzies out of my system...

Hanyways, I bought Tofu,Soybean sprouts and deep fried tofu. hah. yes.

After listening to Tony Robbins on living health, everything made much more sense, why yogis people just do not eat eggs, and all that commotion about milk, then what about goat's milk? you know?

so after the Saturday market, I took the time to go online and find out, because it's been bugging me... what is acid and what is alkaline for your body when you consume it.

IF you don't already know, it is important to maintain the pH of your body to slightly alkaline, and that is our nature, if you are acidic, its just not good, that is the source of gout, arthritis, cancer and everything bad basically. why are you having a headache? acidic. Angry? acidic. Alcohol and well looky here for a list of foods that we consume everyday on page 4.

CLickity Click Here!

download it.

I stole Anthony Robbins- Living Health from my brother, so I dont know where you can get it, just download it and give it a listen. seriously. I think I have come full circle... what they are talking about. why not eggs? why not milk? why not garlic? my questions about food I used to have, i now know from yoga class and this.

He talks about why people work out so hard and cant lose weight, why people lift weights and still no results. because when you do that, you create lactic acid in the body. anaerobic activity! so how?

Static Contraction Training- Peter Sisco.

Get more muscle faster and healthier

thats what Tony recommends, and im thinking of purchasing the book coz its real cheap from the uk so read what its all about, static contraction..

Coffee, Sugar, Alcohol = VERY ACIDIC. eggs and cows milk VERY ACIDIC. but Goat's milk is moderately Alkaline.

I wondered about goats milk because I was told that the Quran encouraged the drinking of goats milk. there must be a reason right?I was thinking, could goats milk be alkaline? and In the back of my head, goats milk goats milk... several years now, I still have not seen it around. but then BAM! says here Goats milk is alkaline! Happy me. =)

I call myself a Vegan now, eventhough I still eat meat sometimes, like fish. oh by the way, as seafood goes, Lobster? my gosh super acidic. I call myself vegan because instead of saying Im trying to be one, its just easier to say I Am One, so that I have that mindset of already being one when making decisions instead of that "trying and quitting and non-commmitting" mindset.

Did you know that when youre eating a juicy piece of chicken or meat, and you say its delicious and super duper yummy? That my friend, is the urea of the animal, urea makes up urine! yeaps! you are saying piss is delicious. yums. not only that, youre eating the fear of the animal which is adrenaline. not good for your body. no. no.

Hanyways, what was I supposed to blog about? Oh right, PMS. wow, far off. Yeah, I took the initiative to get pH strips, and Chlorella to detoxify my system, wheatgrass and barleygrass powder to make my own green drink. Bought Almond powder too.

Though I bought a bag of grapes, im looking at it like this =s acid. Everywhere I go now, my head goes "acid. acid. acid. oh thats alkaline. thats acid. acid. acid. theres so many things that are acid!

oh right, yeah off track. So I took Chlorella for about 2-3 days now, sometimes 20 capsules, sometimes i dont know 10-15 capsules a day, I just took it whenever I feel like it. Been pooping green. and I just started my green drink yesterday. Also been actively hydrating myself.


didnt wana spend so much buying the one A.R recommended, so instead i went to the health shop and bought these. they sing to me! =) hundred+ bux in total!

I also had my period yesterday, and yes. this is it. Im here to talk about my period.

Blood. its bright red. not dull or dark. its light in colour. and it has no clogs at all. no clogs or jelly or whatever. so what I am doing with my self now must be going in the right direction right? yeah. yes.

*stares at my 5 in 5 packets of maggi & packaged porridge*

ai..jusco...

ps- himalayan salt is highly alkaline! YES!

eat your own acidic salt ass you shitty people who make fun of me!

Wasted away. Sometimes i just hate my life...

2011-07-23T00:44:00.002+12:00

rashes everywhere, broke my foot, sick every time. Sometimes I wonder if doing physiotherapy is good for me. As a person who believes that anxiety and all those mental and emotional issues are the causes of your dis-eases.

I looked in the mirror, and my body is full of spots and bright red bumps, literally, all over my arms, legs my butt, my tumtum. And I rememberd how I loved my skin and appreciated it. my tooth, i remembered how i loved my teeth when i smile.

its slowly being taken away...

how mellow.

how am i supposed to master this... "university"

Can I get my skin back?

Inside I am struggling, mentally I am struggling... physically, look at all these things..

Im going to fix my camera on monday, I miss it working properly.

If I flunk, it means theres something better out there for me, If I dont, I hope my body can take the stress.

please I ask for strength and I ask for empowerment. I dont want to struggle...

2011-07-22T19:48:00.002+12:00

I found a jewel amongst the rocks.

=)

2011-07-20T18:12:00.002+12:00

The blog post

2011-07-19T22:52:00.000+12:00

woaw, another long time spent not writing, and i dont think people do read blogs no more ( in my world "jaqy's head" )

but I just want to...I just feel like...

MAN! SNAP! DANG IT!

You know!?

I've been listenting to Anthony Robbins "Living Health" and go all whuddddd...

Eggs arent good because there are tonnes of parasites in there along with toxins and everything else. And suddenly milk is not good for your health and actually LEACHES calcium from you instead of helping you build up bone mass, apparantly, Lina said it was true because her brother (doctor) studied that milk is only beneficial to youngsters who are still growing their bones, and those who have stopped? no use for that, calcium leakage for us. Yay!

What is made from milk? oh lets see, cream, cheese, yoghurt (?), butter. Which are basically more concentrated with all them bad stuff and toxins.

Milk can be thought of as "liquid meat" because of its high protein content which, in concert with other proteins, may actually LEACH calcium from the body. Countries that consume high protein diets (meat, milk and dairy) have the highest rates of osteoporosis.

http://www.rense.com/general26/milk.htm

Theres even a website here - Notmilk.com

Hanyways, I just got a phonecall, and i dont know what else I wanted to say..

hrmm... but yes oh right...

After Yoga, I wanted to "try" to be vegetarian, After listening to Tony, I wana "try" to be VEGAN!

I MEAN, NO WONDER SOME PEOPLE ARE LACTOSE INTOLERANT! their bodies are telling them something!

now it makes me wonder about peanuts -_^ is there a reason why tonnes of people are allergic to peanuts? is there a reason? IS THERE!?

...

I keep on setting up mini excuses not to start being vegan/vegetarian. maybe just start out being a vegetarian first? I dont know, theres just this impulse in me to just wana jump in to that place instead of slowly integrate it into my life. In farmers market, I like, hesitantly bought chicken IN CASE i feel like eating bbq chicken with smoked manuka bbq sauce. I had IDEAL sphag. you know... its just not as yums anymore. and everytime im done eating im just like what the shit did i just do, my goodness this food sucks! its not even delicious!

Mcdonald's fillet o fish? okay sikit at least, somehow thats the thing im not really grossed out with at the moment, fish meat. salmon. still okay.

Beef? Chicken? not delicious, not inspiring, doesnt even feel good when im eating it. Onions taste gross! my goodness, since when does onions taste like shit!? i prefer my food without now, i mean I still EAT IT! I EAT ALL THESE THINGS!! while my taste buds are subtly telling me "hrm not so nice, im enjoying it but somehow, its just not nice anymore." and when with onions, i still eat it i do! but ...they dont taste good. food tastes better without it! Garlic? hmmm sometimes, in dips, i do eat it. chives, i dont bother so much as before. but somehow you know? that thing inside you just goes "eugh?" but i STILL EAT IT! *argh!*

I had gourmet prawn, nope. gross to me, prawn is no longer delicious to me, i crave for it but when i have it im like its not even nice, its just in my mind, my taste buds disagree. Maggi... no..

Have I been eating shitty food or am i just really not in to so much meat no more? its sometimes frustrating, not actively frustrating, its just, the thought comes you know "why do i eat this when i do not enjoy this? i feel so much better with green leaves and salad.."

I bought eggs too.. eggs.. are.. no more the yums I was used to.

what am i? chicken in the fridge. eggs in the pantry. powdered soup (still yums). My body is really craving veggies and im not actively ingesting it. My heart has been pounding, it feels clogged. seriously, sometimes it makes me wonder if my arteries are clogged. no more like, how seriously clogged are they right now?

how about you? how long have you got to live?

Im thinking im 20 now, and im like this. what if im 40, and i see myself eating the same things? its just, not where i want to be. right now, and in the future.

=)

2011-07-19T21:56:00.000+12:00

Snapshots

2011-07-18T16:25:00.003+12:00

Huskies In New World.

Pukerangi

My room Is beautiful bright and peaceful =)

2011-07-17T12:52:00.000+12:00

?

2011-07-14T02:01:00.000+12:00

http://www.qqestore.com/product.php?products_id=26034

Should I Buy this dress for 80 bux?

2011-07-11T22:15:00.000+12:00

Sunglasses Cases. U guys want?

2011-07-03T02:12:00.000+12:00

SO CUTE!

2011-06-23T22:01:00.002+12:00

Ask.

2011-06-21T02:31:00.000+12:00

A teacher motivates a student to do well.

and in the end,

the student motivates the teacher to do better.

while talking about meditation to others,

during the times when I should be meditating

makes me more motivated

for how can i teach or just talk about meditation but not practice it?

its like a couple of people have asked about why I meditate.

when i dont really meditate much.

and I explain the benefits of meditating.

it makes me more compelled to do it.

maybe because Ive been asking, " i want to, want! to meditate, and not just meditate because i should "

and people are meant to come up to me and ask me stuff, so it makes me want to meditate.

its easier that way, when you wana do something, but youre lazy to do it.

ask the universe to motivate you.

and it will find ways to motivate you.

I should be using LOA more conciously...

NO PRIVACY

2011-06-20T19:49:00.000+12:00

i feel like complaining in this blog, but i somewhat feel like i gots no privacy to do so anymore, and people would get offended reading it if they happen to stumble upon my blog

I used to complain about alot of shit in my blog for entertainment because i think i complain alot of funny crud. well at least i think so.

but yes. I cant. but i am soooooooooooooooooooooooooo shittingly annoyed at SOMETHING SO ANNOYING!

2011-06-08T15:49:00.002+12:00

Wheres the magic?

sometimes knowing less is better than knowing more...

Vegetarian?

2011-06-07T18:58:00.002+12:00

Wish I could do this.

2011-06-07T18:43:00.002+12:00

Downward spiral.

2011-06-07T17:43:00.000+12:00

people say its okay jaqy, youre smart, you can do it.

I'm supposed to be doing the law of attraction 100day challenge, i guess im not doing it properly, what am i supposed to do in this challenge again?

I skipped out today, I couldn't take not knowing, but its more like, I couldn't take the disappointment. It was okay at first, then gradually, it became not okay. a downward spiral.

While walking home, I wish a stranger would just come up to me and hug me, and then stab me in the back with a knife, and I would be set free from these confined walls in my mind.

I just have to think, Is this my emotions? or is this a wave of emotion that is not mine..

I've never walked out on anything this way before, giving up, getting up and leaving. ending it here, would be easy.but, if i end it here, I cannot reap the rewards of my efforts...

I did try, I did do, Did i do my best? I did... it was pathetic.

Affirmations

2011-06-05T00:25:00.000+12:00

Going to Aim.

2011-06-05T00:15:00.000+12:00

Today I shall start using this booklet to be more aware of my expenditures,

and aim to keep it below 500 a month. =)

xams...

2011-06-03T20:48:00.000+12:00

2011-05-30T00:46:00.003+12:00

100 DAY LAW OF ATTRACTION CHALLENGE?

Tofu Tofu Tofu

2011-05-28T20:24:00.003+12:00

I would want to learn how to make tofu one day.
=)

I wanted to buy soymilk today in farmers market, but i forgot, and i slept in. It had been sold out so i bought 3 packets of teriyaki tofu and stored them in the fridge, along with a bowl of jelly tofu, which is basically tofu fa. I thought it was tofu fa! but when i opened it up it was just the tofu without the syrup. For desert at night, I went and made sugar water and added it into a cup of jelly tofu and it tasted exactly like tofu fa. And I was quite happy, I think im an instinctive cook. though sugar water isnt really hard to guess.

I wana make my own tofu one day. and make my own soy milk. Probably own my own cheese cloth too. yeps.

I had steamed brocolli and carrots with teriyaki tofu for dinner today, and tofu fa for desert. Sushi in the morning, salmon and tuna. I havent bought chicken, which is good. I actually enjoyed my vegetarian dinner. X)

oh right, I also made baked potato wedges which everyone liked, but I didnt like it so much, i wish it was more tender and soft, less crispy

Cooking is theraputic. Eating it, is a job.

Racist.

2011-05-27T16:49:00.000+12:00

the reason I dont wanna eat pork in front of my friends is because i dont feel comfortable being chinese, i feel judged, i feel like im viewed as different. the reason why i dont like my relatives are because they're just too chinese, the reason why i dont hang around bruneian chinese people is because theyre just so chinko and take shitty "cute" pictures,I dont feel like im like them. the reason why i feel like im not the same is because im chinese, and my friends aren't and i can sense a boarder between us.

Why cant i talk to white people? because sometimes i dont find that we click, or the words we use imply different things in our own culture or just in the way we think.

what do i think is the first thing people see when they look at me?

Im asian. Im chinese.

who is the racist?

me. my perspective. my words.

everyone is kind of racist in some way, when you're pushed in to the marginalized group, being a minority makes you more aware i guess. In class, thats what i realized in me.

that i put importance in nationality, and i think people just sees me as my race.

after realizing that, i don think its true. and I learnt that everybody is actually the same if you look deeper into it.

someones culture and background might be different, but if you really do take the time to talk to people you dont usually talk to, you might be surprised and learn a few things about yourself.

through my eyes, i realized, well.

you muslim, I chinese. we different.

you christian, I dont know what the heck i am right now. we different.

pinoy,cina,angmoh. thats in my head when im in nz.

but in reality we are all the same...

but..

different.

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP

2011-05-23T22:28:00.003+12:00

Don't give up.....

One day I decided to quit...

I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my

life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of

them.

I gave them light.

I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth.

Its brilliant green covered the floor.

Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.

And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the

bamboo. He said.

"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.

But I would not quit.

In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would

not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared

to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6

months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong

and gave it what it needed to survive.

I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been

struggling, you have actually been growing roots".

"I would not quit on the bamboo.

I will never quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others."

He said.

"The bamboo had adifferent Purpose than the fern.

Yet they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come", God said to me.

"You will rise high"

"How high should I rise?"

I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and brought back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

Never, Never, Never Give up.

by this person

Mail from home = Guilty

2011-05-23T20:15:00.001+12:00

Thank you Mami for the Redondo which got crashed in the mail along with my maggi, but i still like it. lol

Shopping = WHERES MY MUNNY TO UK?!?!?!

yoghurtttt

2011-05-23T20:01:00.000+12:00

My Essay So Far...

2011-05-22T19:15:00.003+12:00

Gimme What I want want.

2011-05-21T16:41:00.003+12:00

I want it like this.

But i got it like this.

Then again, at least its better than this.

List of things I would like from Brunei

2011-05-20T16:49:00.000+12:00

Redondo Chocolate flavour!
Maggi Asam 10 packets?
2 packets of IDEAL SPHAG SAUCE!!!!
the herbal chicken herbs thing for the soup...
I guess i dont need Chicken Essence no mores..
Maggi Instant Porridge!! alot of them please? like 10? or..more?

aymen <3

Im Pissed at Mushrooms and Garlic.

2011-05-17T16:13:00.003+12:00

Is it me or is meditating really a challenge when your stomach is full or when you eat garlic and mushrooms?

My mind is quite messy, issit coz I ate SO MUCH Ma Po Tofu, when I actually intended to have a cheap vegetarian lunch, I ended up having a feast with Anne in Golden Harvest after our morning physiology lab. Not that I didnt enjoy the company and food but yeah.

I intended to reach home around 1 or 1:30 but I came home after 2, tummy filled, bloated, brain drugged with carbohydrates and slept through until evening. I wasnt listening to my body. I was supposed to write up all my 6 lecture notes so that i could "actually" study it for TOMORROW. I went to the meditation group and my mind wasnt in focus, and I didnt have a good group meditation, and came home, drinking a warm large cup of milk with lecithin granules. 1 more fizzled write up on notes that i dont even think im doing properly, and off to...the actual studying?

Rant Rant Rant, Exams in 3 weeks and Im barely hitting it off with 1 subject.

Dear lord, Im beginning to hate food, whats the point of eating all these things that taste good when they jizz up your body and make you feel all these unpleasant things.

EVERYDAY I FIND A REASON OF WHY ITS BETTER OFF TO BE VEGETARIAN THAN A MEAT EATER.

Seriously, the day is coming, the day is coming.

IM GOING TO CHOP OFF MY HAIR!

I WANT TO THROW MY TIM TAMS AWAY BUT IM NOT THROWING IT AWAY BECAUSE I MIGHT NEED IT SOMEDAY! IS THIS SHITTINGLY WEIRD OR WHAT!?

Plants have feelings too...

2011-05-15T16:59:00.009+12:00

Once upon a time, there was a master and a small cactus. The small cactus lived in the house of the master. And one day, the master looked at the small cactus and lovingly said "Dear Cactus, Everyone in this house loves you, we are not going to hurt you, you need no thorns, you need no thorns".

The master repeated this to the cactus often until eventually, the cactus' thorns all fell off and it became a thornless cactus..

A visitor came to the house one day, and puzzled by an odd looking plant, the visitor asked the master of the house, " What kind of plant is this? it is so odd!" "It's a cactus." answered the master. The visitor was amused, "wow, it's a cactus without thorns? this is so intriguing! how could this be?" The visitor poked and prodded the thornless cactus repeatedly to his amazement, "a thornless cactus!"

Eventually, the cactus grew back its thorns.

this is one story that I kept remembering after Didi told us during the yoga fest

bought it. kept it. not gonna read it.

I finally found the perfect mat for meditation. =)

this dog SMILESSS!! kawaiiii!!!

2011-05-07T21:23:00.000+12:00

Fail

2011-05-07T16:09:00.000+12:00

“A cosplay fail from the anime naruto character Rock Lee.”

Submitted by Ayhan K.

MY SALT LAMP IS HEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! XD

2011-05-05T23:47:00.005+12:00

ITS HERE!! ITS HERE!!!

*flattered* Free Chocolate!

I I I SO EXCITED!
It tastes yums, but i should not do it again!

Free Soy Tea Lightss!

Scents!: Toffee Apple, Cinnamon Peach Crumble, Vanilla Delight, Tutti Frutti!
Soy tea lights do not have hazardous toxins inside and are totally made of vegetable oils! no parrafin or any harmful substances!

this is mineeeeeeeeeeeeee! yeh, preets.

2011-05-02T23:29:00.002+12:00

School was nice and easy today,
When I think deliberately,
School becomes easier.

Things feel like they are coming together.

Give me some drugs.

2011-05-01T22:29:00.003+12:00

I wish I don't ever need to go back to school...

so mundane...

so mundane...

I think I'm desperate...

Desperate for my high...

Killing myself would bring me back to the good places, but I aint no quitter...

I miss my piece of cake I call heaven on earth.

2011-05-01T22:20:00.000+12:00

Theres another sale for mink blankets!

Should I get another one?

2011-04-30T23:06:00.002+12:00

I WANT MORE

BABA NAM KEVALAM SONGS!

Living in Nz; Gemstone Necklace

2011-04-30T21:17:00.003+12:00

Being in Nz, I kinda like it now, maybe beacause I have my own proper room, not being in the halls like last year. I probably like living in this environment more than in Brunei...

No noise, No TV sounds, No Vaccuming or Dog Barks or People who can never shut up. I've got my own space, my own furniture, my own stuff. I like living by myself like this..quiet.

Come to think of it i get real pissed back home coz I cant really study because everyone talk like theyre shouting at eachothers faces.

i like being under the sun back home, but I still dont feel as alone as I am now because of people passing by and MJ people.

I can play soothing music in my room, I dont have loud Canto movies blasting in my face. I can read whatever I want and have my lights turned on whenever I want to at night. I like. I really like.

I like being in control of what I eat though I might not make the best choices sometimes, I like my room half messy and half clean, and I like my bed. I like buying things for my bed. bed and bath is my best friend.

Moving out when I have a job seems nice, the down part to that is, I still have the rest of my life to spend it by myself and indulge in my own world... But I've only got a hand full of years to spend with my famliy.

Would I trade that away? ... ...

maybe. =p

nice? I bought the copper from the bead shop and wrapped it up myself =)

YogaFest 2011

2011-04-30T16:16:00.003+12:00

Pictures from Didi! XD

I guess I like shopping...

2011-04-29T23:23:00.002+12:00

*slaps self*

I bought myself a 38 dollar himalayan salt tea light lamp online.

What was I thinking? That It would be great to have one?

...

I still like it.

ok.

Bread Crumbbed Chicken

2011-04-28T22:03:00.002+12:00

So- called popcorn chickin, but not really..
with eggyolk! XD YUMS!

Beach and GypsyFair

2011-04-27T20:16:00.002+12:00

PhotoBomb! lol

2011-04-26T17:09:00.000+12:00

I think everyone is like, Deep.
Except for me.
Haha.,

2011-04-24T21:26:00.004+12:00

I dont really feel tired in NZ, compared to Brunei when I do nothing. And i checked my Louise Hay E-book on Physical ailments and found this..

LOW Blood Pressure:-

Lack of love as a child. Defeatism. What's the use it won't work anyway.

medicine:
*I now choose to live in the ever joyous NOW. My life is a joy.

2011-04-24T19:59:00.002+12:00

I feel the walls closing in,
the space,
its getting smaller and smaller,
and then i think,
Why am I like this?

Rose

2011-04-22T00:07:00.003+12:00

Michelle Phan Tutorials! haha

2011-04-21T21:12:00.004+12:00

Imagining myself with long hair!

Bakes and Sociolio

2011-04-19T16:24:00.003+12:00

Well instead of thinking of stupid useless things, I might as well blog about something nice. Saturday was BYO Pizza Night at Janina's and I've decided to make Margarita instead of buy. I have overspent this month, mueheh.

This i think is the best pizza I've made so far because i finally know whats the right amount of junk to put in!

Margarita Pizza base

I also made Cinnamon Rollies during the day before pizza night, because I was bored.
surprisingly it turned out delicious!

Cinnamon Rolls with Cookies and Cream IceCream on top! YUMS!

yes so delicious that once it got out of the oven, me lina and peah attacked it and noms like 90 percent of it before I snapped a picture. Sweet!

bread is definitely funner to make than cake.

Best picture for BYO Pizza Night!

2011-04-19T16:13:00.000+12:00

BYO night @ India Gardens

2011-04-15T22:48:00.000+12:00

Crumbling down, Crumbling UP!

2011-04-14T22:36:00.005+12:00

My Anatomy test is over and done with, and let me just tell you i did not walk out smiling and skipping under the sun, actually that was the evening and it was getting dark and blue. I think before the test i was having like what? a panic attack? or i dont know, i was breathing real hard and whatever and my hands were shaking but in the end i just wrote down what i knew.

I sang BaBaNamKevalam for awhile and made up my own, and singing it and meditating straight after made me smile and i feel complete and refreshed, I think that was the best meditation I had too!

I've been so caught up with the tide, i didnt even bother to clean my room since yogafest, and I havent even folded my clothes since Sunday and they're still in the laundry bag, so when i need my socks, I ravage through my laundry bag in hurried searches for my socks before classes. and I have 2 mini laundry bag! 1 for the dirty, and 1 for the semi-dirty! XD iz awezomes.. yes.

Whats noz awezomes, is, my room in its current state.

Shameful jaqy.... shameful...

hey! but i made apple crumble tonight!

It was nice! but not as nice as JamBa's one! thats the lady who cooks at OUSA for 3 dollar lunches from mondays to thursdays. vegetarian, and i kept saying her apple crumble is awesome, and she recommended me "Vegetarian Cooking for Retards" which is..basically printed paper typed out by her and sold for 2dollars. Hare Krsna <3

I actually spontaneously decided to make apple crumble while walking in New World aimlessly, because I had the impulse to buy something before I go back. yes, I think i spend money whem im stressed/bored/sad/dissapointed. And actually rememberd the ingredients to apple crumble! easy peasy!

mix rolled oats, sugar, flour, coconut , cinnamon and butter. and dont mash it like i did! then it wouldnt be fluffy. boo..

get good canned apples!

bake for 20 minutes until golden!

and tadaa! good first try!
just toss it around lightly and ready to noms like this!

okay too many jaqys. gootsbyes. gootsnites. and I need to pee again.

Anatomy what

2011-04-13T12:13:00.003+12:00

I have a test tomorrow, which is about 8 percent of my total mark for Anatomy this semester, and I'm here blogging, went to Yogafest for 3days, rested on the next day, and here I am, tomorrow, test, and im on lecture 2. out of what? 7? Isnt alot when its just reading from powerpoint slides if it was physiology or something, but no, anatomy!

I hope and pray to god that I do well, and know every part of the brain and the purpose of it being there.

I just marinated chicken with lemon salt and pepper, though i was abit, very slightly!! repelled (very very slightly!) by the chicken, I dont know wether its yogafest brainwash or is it just me, but im aware of eating meat. I think i still would wana buy ChaoSanSi and noms, but other meat. meat? I dont know..

Food just isnt food anymore, maybe I shall fast tomorrow. yeys?

YogaFest!!!!

2011-04-10T19:50:00.003+12:00

Becky

HoneyBees

Yogamat cleaning

babbling brooks!

Jiivan and Didi

shukin

Physiology Test Done!

2011-04-06T22:54:00.007+12:00

Yay! My physiology test is done and over with! simple mcq questions! I hope i get a good grade! but I have anatomy next week where they give you speicmens all over the tables in the lab, and youre supposed to give a short answer to a sheet of question paper relating to the item on the table. like say, a plastinated brain (a real brain, preserved and hardend so its plasticky) and they probably might ask what part is this "arrow" and what does it do... gr..50 of them.

BUT! before that! YOGAFESTTTT!!! yaaayness!! I finally signed up and paid for Yogafest, and im going to go on a 2 day 2 night yoga camp starting on friday evening! Experiencing deep meditation and everything! eggciting! =D

Theres something I learnt in Yoga'n'Meditation Club that i think everyone should know, so I shall share this with you..

as Didi (sister in sanskrit, did i mention that in my previous posts?) said, The mind and body is very intelligent, so,

When you sleep, the body cleanses itself, and when you wake up in the morning to brush your teeth, you might have realized that there's white plaque on your tongue, and thats actually the toxic in your body brought forward onto the tongue. So it is absolutely important that you clean it with a tongue scraper. Some people dont realize it, and just leave it as it is, so in the end of the day, you swallow your body's toxins back along with the food you ingest. and the toxins accumulate.

Also, Didi says, it is not good to eat mushrooms, because mushrooms grow in the dark, so they dim your umm, spiritual conciousness? brightness? intellegence? and makes you feel blurry fuzzy. now that makes much more sense to me. And that is why, the same goes to onions and garlic. I asked about potatoes, but apparantly thats okay. and That is a good reason for me, finally. Creatures of darkness = dimming of brightness. yeys.

yes yes. o.o I didnt know that. Awesome possum ey? Do you know that?

So yogafest, Im going to be somewhere here.

heh-heh! happy that its not in shahbandar and glad that its in NZ! awesomepossom!

I've borrowed Haji's Sleeping Bag and Im going to pack on friday! YAYNESS!!!!!!!

Funness doing Kaoshiki and chanting and yoga!!! and also a little bit of studying for anatomy during breaks. Im a happy girl. happy.

Heres some pictures of international cultural charity thing thing and my dinner and ok whatever bye.

mashed potatoes with chicken schnitzel

I think for wings..

2011-04-04T16:17:00.002+12:00

CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO WITH CHICKEN WINGS?

RECIPE RECIPE! ASK POPO OR WHOEVER!

What to do tomorrow...

2011-04-01T21:54:00.004+13:00

tomorrow I plan to go to the cultural charity fair, and grab some dessert, and maybe have chicken schnitzel for dinner. and mm..porridge for lunch? oh, right, and borrow Haji's sleeping bag for this yoga thing.

I've decided to join the YogaFest and sleep over a camp place for 2 days and 2nights! means deep meditation and yoga week for me, then i have to catch up and study for my anatomy test a few days later..its going to be a good experience, i've always thought of doing this! I'm paying and registering on monday, so no turning back!

Yogafest here i come!

im also starting to sleep early! my goal is to sleep at 10:30! and im almost there!

I didint know there was pre-packaged pork crackles!?

2011-04-01T17:53:00.004+13:00

Today's Brunch was 2 fried egges,lettuce and pork crackles with rice.

Todays dinner was, Farmer's market ready-marinated chicken, stir fried by yours truly, with love with a dollop of manuka honey.

Im a year 2 physio, that should be more autonomous and smart and assertive [=(]

last weeks outfit. because I actually dressed up for an even, instead of dressing sloppy.

2011-03-28T20:10:00.002+13:00

BABA NAM KEVALAM

iFood.

2011-03-23T21:16:00.003+13:00

Herbal Chickin Soop

Tuna Pitsa

Chickin pitsa

The baking of chickin pitsa

Discipline is the word.

2011-03-23T12:12:00.004+13:00

man, okay truth be told, i havent really been waking up early and attending lectures, mostly i skip physiology, but now im not even attending my 8am lecture before physiology, which is like rehab science, TWICE. and im beginning to judge myself as LAZY.

Esther Hicks always say choose a better feeling thought, or do what feels good today. I didnt feel like I was escaping or denying my responsibilities, but i just felt like lying in bed. I can manage still, but lazy is the word thats nudging my head to a wall right now.

I just had Rice with ChaoSanSi today. My last can is gone, I have to go all the way to south dunedin to that cina shop to get more if i want to. blargh. I dont think biking is a good idea, I might run out of breath.

I bought myself a gym ball, dumbells and a speedrope, (yes, i could have just gone to the free gym im aware of that). But im just a BodyDoctor girl i guess, I shall BodyDoctor my way back to high energy and stamina! yeys! um..tomorrow?

I finally bought my vitamin B12, well more like MegaB vitamin, which has more than just B12. and I peed bright yellow because of the Riboflavin. Thanks to my mother who reminded me to get it! I forgot which I needed and thought it was B7 initially.

Hanyways. Who cares? reading about my bland life. Imma go now...

=.=

I spent a thousand this month...

2011-03-20T21:03:00.004+13:00

This weekend, i feel like im having fun, but i feel sleepy at the same time, but i dont wana sleep just in case i miss out on the fun.

Yesterday, we went to MoanaPool and felt what its like to be in the water with a bikini and played with water slides, had a dip in the jaquzzi, jumped around in them fake waves, and had a waterfall body massage when the others went for more water sliding fun. and then we slept over at haji and syazwan's place, and had Poppa's pizza and home fried chicken and i played with syazwan's iPod in his room while they were watching Khurafat downstairs..

The next day, I tried out the juicer, i bought a bucket of apples for 6 dollars and had tons of apple juice, and made chicken pizza and then tuna pizza, from scratch and had fun eating and cleaning with the housemates. oh right, and shishkabobing for like 3 days? the chocolate man is crazy.

This weekend is awesome, and i wish that it'd just be like that for the whole year, and if it has to be different, the only next thing thats acceptable is having it be more awesome than it already is right now. =)

ps- check out my new dock.

yehs, i cool. i definitely cool.

Poppa's pizza with Dibs during i dont know when i so totally forgot. 0.0
=)

what's up?
=p

I've got the..

2011-03-14T17:27:00.000+13:00

Funky Feet!

2011-03-12T15:45:00.001+13:00

When I went to the cashier, because I've finally decided to buy the poofy bed layer thingy because of my lumpy bed.. I had been contemplating for awhile because it was quite expensive but yeah in the end i decided to just get over with it and buy it. She whispered "they're going to be on special on tuesday, want me to hold it for you?"

yay! that made my day! and I saved 40bucks because of that nice lady!

uplifted muchooos. no more cold lumpy bed, hello warm poofy bed on tuesday! =)

This proves that I'm made for luxury...

and also, being nice and friendly brings you good things..

it does...

i think, im going to get a studio next year. most probably.

Chicken Karage and Salmon

2011-03-07T23:26:00.001+13:00

All thanks to YouTube! X)
Happy Dinner! =D nomnoms!!!

Biking around where?

2011-03-06T20:23:00.003+13:00

celebrated the national day at Little India Restaurant!
and...need haircut!

Today Dibs and I decided to go on a bike ride to find our way to and from classes, on and off campus and man it was quite scary using the main road and following traffic. But i think i got the hang of it, but who would have thought us biking is more tiring than walking...

or was it because we were just biking and biking and didnt stop from one place to another..yeah maybe..

And we had to find spots where a bike stand was available so that we could lock our bikes.
crudnicks, my butt dang sorer from my seat.

Asri helped to lower down the seat already so I guess it should be alright now.

but everytime i sit down, my butt hurts! um, no! my butt-crotch hurts! like somewhere in between! lol.

Dibs, reading the map!

Red Bike!

dweeby, but I lou purple bikee!!
and I have to buy that basket separately!

I must study! must!
...

neh maybe tomorrow..

I had salmon and rice today! yey.